“I tried not to think about the words SEARING.FLESH.” – Fight Club
It has been blazingly hot lately. On Tuesday, I measured a temperature of 110F on my back porch. Some people get SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter. I get it in the summer. After all, there’s not much going outside. Not if you don’t want to spontaneously burst into flames. And it’s depressing. Everything is dead and brown. I hate it.
Seriously though, I have taken up jogging with my friends. We don’t go until the sun is nearly down, but I’m going. This is remarkable for someone who used to laugh at joggers and runners for doing so without being chased. And it does somehow make the heat more bearable, because it’s not going to rain for another month at least. *cries*
On the plus side, my headmeat seems to have stabilized, but not until after a really unpleasant episode a couple of months ago during which I learned I really can’t fuck with my sleep. That’s the trouble with having bipolar. The only way to know your meds aren’t working is to feel like shit. Ah well. I have a small army of pharmacy bottles to take from each day, and a basket full of vitamins and supplements to counteract the side effects (mostly muscle twitches). Two mood stabilizers, one antidepressant, one sleep aid, two antianxiety agents, and one thyroid med to counteract what one of the mood stabilizers does.
A calcium-magnesium-potassium supplement is crucial to stave off the muscle twitches, which aren’t nearly as bad as the ones trazodone gave me. I don’t take that anymore, thank the gods: akathisia really, really sucks. B-vitamins, fish oil, and a host of others. Obviously, I found a headmeat doc (nurse, really) that does me a lot of good and is on tap via smartphone virtually any time. Plus, he’s really funny.
Everything else I have allowed to sliiiiiiide. I haven’t been to the Buddhist center in two months. I haven’t done yoga in quite some time. The only thing I’ve done is karate, which I will probably do more now that I know I don’t need that many more classes to get my next ranking. I’ve gone to the gym more, though. I have to adjust my diet, though, or those 20 pounds are never going to come off.
Obviously due to the heat wave, I’ve done no gardening. It’s crispy out there. I allowed my community garden plot to slide: who wants to put in community hours when it’s over 100 outside? I hate the politics anyway.
Some things are good though, or at least better. I’m enjoying things a little bit more. I got the henna out for a friend last week and I was very pleased I haven’t lost my touch. I haven’t had to lie to anyone about how I’m feeling, which also pleased me. My memory is for shit, though, which my headmeat caretaker assures me will improve the happier I get. I haven’t taken care of all that death paperwork to collect my grandmother’s ancient life insurance policy, but I actually want to, along with some remaining boxes that her friends in California were interested in. I mean, it’s only been three years. *sigh*
Other ways I know I’m better: I’m not murderously angry about the non-stop machinery I can hear from my house for the last, oh, year and a half? I don’t feel like killing every asshat driver in South Austin (trust me, that’s remarkable, we have a high asshat density down here). I’m a bit annoyed about the massive fence the neighbor behind us put up, but I haven’t thrown anything at it. 😀
There are other things that still need improving, but I’m hoping that they improve with more sleep and exercise and with an abatement of the heat. It’s like a freakin’ blast furnace out there.